Pay Dirt is Slate’s financial advice column. Have a question? Submit it anonymously to Kristin and Ilyce here.. (Your identity will remain confidential!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

Two years ago, when my husband asked me for my birthday wish, I expressed a desire to dine in our city center, which is charming in winter. I chose a reputable chain restaurant that would facilitate easy online reservations. My birthday passed, and after several months, I gently prompted him to plan our dinner. Though he agreed, more time slipped away. Since I prepare over 90% of our meals, a break from cooking was something I longed for. After persistent requests from me, he eventually asked what I wanted for my next birthday. Frustrated, I reminded him of my previous year’s wish that remained unfulfilled. He finally made reservations… at a mall location off the highway. His disappointment at my reaction added to my distress.

Ultimately, we did enjoy our dinner downtown, which he acknowledged as pleasant. I conveyed my interest in going out again, even just for cocktails and appetizers, and he agreed. Now, another year has passed, filled with holiday cooking and everyday meals, leaving me feeling undervalued. Financially, we are stable, yet I feel more like an afterthought than a cherished partner. When I express my feelings, he often interrupts with his perspective, listing the favors he’s done instead of acknowledging my contributions. I question if this is typical behavior; he has ADHD, and I understand that many men overlook their partners’ “invisible labor,” like cooking. What steps should I take? After 15 years of partnership, I dread the idea of another 15 years as his supporting character.

—Exhausted and Empty

Dear Exhausted and Empty,

Reading your letter is heart-wrenching. It’s clear you’ve endured 15 years of feeling overlooked and having your contributions to the household and marriage unappreciated.

A healthy relationship should leave you feeling valued and loved, even amidst disagreements. You should not constantly feel neglected or unacknowledged. Using his ADHD as an explanation for his behavior detracts from the real issue. Especially when you’ve been clear about wanting to go out for your birthday, denying that request feels dismissive and should not go unnoticed.

From my perspective, you have a couple of options: (1) Make your own dinner reservations; (2) Suggest couples therapy to openly discuss how his actions impact your feelings and your sense of equality in the relationship; and (3) Consider personal therapy to explore why you have assumed this “sidekick” role over the years.

I recommend pursuing all three avenues. Start by reserving tables at eateries you wish to visit. If he declines to join you, consider inviting a friend instead. If he is resistant to couples therapy, ensure you seek your own therapist to unpack the complexities of the past 15 years together. With time in therapy, you can reflect on your past and envision your future, which may or may not include your spouse. Regardless, I hope you can enjoy lovely evenings downtown, making memories in your city—you certainly deserve it.

Dear Pay Dirt,

I’ve always maintained an excellent credit score, typically above 800. However, my latest check revealed a drop to 763 due to utilizing over 50% of my available credit last month. I consistently pay off my credit cards in full each month—I’ve just paid this one. Despite having a high credit limit, it seems irrelevant since I settled my balance. I have no debts other than my mortgage. I primarily use one card for travel rewards but maintain others for various reasons. Although I’m not planning any major purchases, this situation feels absurd. Should I start distributing my expenses across multiple cards to keep my utilization below 50%? I feel penalized for spending money I actually possess (the recent high bill was due to holiday gifts and charitable contributions clustered at year’s end).

—What’s the purpose of a credit rating?

Dear What’s the Purpose of a Credit Rating,

A credit score indicates to potential lenders what your creditworthiness looks like. Are you a reliable borrower who repays loans in full each month, or are you likely to miss payments, potentially leading to collections?

Higher credit scores result in lower interest rates on credit cards, which is crucial if you carry a balance. Additionally, strong credit scores help you qualify for auto, home, and personal loans with favorable terms and fewer fees. A significantly low score may even disqualify you from obtaining a loan.

Many consumers are unaware that credit scoring algorithms from leading agencies like Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion can fluctuate frequently. Opening numerous new credit accounts or submitting multiple loan applications within a short time frame can lower your credit score significantly.

A similar decline occurs if you violate a fundamental principle of good credit by utilizing too much available credit. Ideally, you should limit usage to no more than 30% of your maximum credit limit for any given card. Using up to 50% unfortunately resulted in a deduction in your credit score.

Although it may seem unjust, credit scoring has its limitations from a lender’s viewpoint. It cannot foresee individual situations, like loss of income, that might affect your ability to make timely payments. Nevertheless, this is the system banks rely on to assess loan and credit applications.

On a positive note, your credit score should rebound in a month or two. Moving forward, aim to keep spending below 30% of your total credit limit, even if it requires spreading out holiday expenses among two or three different cards.

While you didn’t specifically inquire, if you lack a cash-back credit card, now might be a good time to consider one. Having a cash-back card offers you flexibility to decide how you spend that money—an appealing advantage during the holiday season when expenses rise due to gift-giving.

—Ilyce

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I’m in my late 20s. I’ve been dating the love of my life for just over a year—we shared a strong friendship for nearly a decade before becoming a couple. We’ve navigated a long-distance relationship throughout, but we’re both searching for jobs that would enable us to live together. Recently, both of our mothers received devastating health diagnoses requiring extensive care. With my father’s own health struggles, I’ve returned home to assist my mom and manage the household. What should my boyfriend and I do now?