A recent report from the U.S. Surgeon General’s 2024 advisory reveals that today’s parents dedicate more time to child care and work compared to two decades ago. This shift significantly reduces their personal time for relaxation, partners, and leisure activities.

Malaka Gharib/NPR

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Malaka Gharib/NPR

Parenting demands have always been intense, but navigating this role in modern society is increasingly challenging and anxiety-provoking.

Alongside managing their careers and household tasks, parents are increasingly anxious about social media pressures, school safety issues, and the rising mental health challenges faced by children, as highlighted in the U.S. Surgeon General’s 2024 advisory.

These pressures are taking a toll: according to a 2023 study conducted by the American Psychological Association, nearly half (48%) of surveyed U.S. parents indicated that they experience overwhelming stress on most days.

To help prevent this everyday stress from developing into severe burnout, parents can recognize its symptoms and implement effective coping strategies. Here are three warning signs to consider.

🚩 Warning Sign No. 1: You’re too overwhelmed and drained to enjoy time with your family.

From sleep disruptions to toddler meltdowns and teenage mood swings, parenting is filled with challenges. However, if you find yourself consistently too emotionally, physically, or mentally weary to enjoy family moments, it may indicate burnout, says Nekeshia Hammond, a psychologist specializing in burnout prevention.

Symptoms can vary widely among individuals. “Some people may notice increased irritability, agitation, or withdrawal from family,” she explains. Others may experience physical effects, such as headaches, sleep disturbances, or changes in appetite.

Chronic stress can lead to long-term health concerns such as hypertension, clinical depression, or anxiety, making it crucial to address the issue proactively.

👉 Coping Strategy: When you’re faced with a challenging parenting scenario—like managing a sick toddler while you’re also feeling unwell—Hammond recommends taking a brief moment for yourself.

Set a timer, take deep breaths, and allow yourself 60 seconds to regain composure, suggests Hammond. This pause can create the mental space needed to assess your well-being and identify what you truly need.

Incorporate this practice into your daily routine to help reinforce the idea that it’s acceptable to take a breather.

If you’re uncertain about your experience with burnout, consulting with your healthcare provider or a mental health expert is advisable. Resources from Postpartum Support International and the National Alliance on Mental Illness can also be beneficial for parents.

🚩 Warning Sign No. 2: You’re shouldering most of your family’s “mental load.”

Are you the primary planner, decision-maker, and problem-solver at home? Tasks like arranging carpool schedules or determining how to potty-train your toddler often fall predominantly on one parent.

This unseen burden is termed the “mental load,” which significantly contributes to parental burnout, according to Eve Rodsky, a researcher focused on the gender division of household labor.

Recent findings indicate that many women bear the brunt of this load. A study analyzed data from 3,000 parents in the U.S. and revealed that mothers handle about 71% of household mental load responsibilities, including tasks like meal planning and managing finances.

👉 Coping Strategy: If you’re feeling inundated by responsibilities, it’s time to redistribute the workload.

For co-parents, conduct a time assessment together, suggests Rodsky. Create three lists: your tasks, your partner’s responsibilities, and any shared duties. Identify areas for potential reassignment of tasks to alleviate your burden or eliminate unnecessary responsibilities.

Establish weekly check-ins to discuss schedules and adjust household tasks as necessary, Rodsky advises, as effective communication is vital for maintaining manageability for everyone involved.

Single parents should not hesitate to request assistance and accept help when needed, according to former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. People are often eager to support you; just as you would help a friend, it’s perfectly fine to ask the same in return.

🚩 Warning Sign No. 3: You lack hobbies, time for friends, or personal time, leading to a diminished sense of self.

Modern parents are working longer hours and dedicating more time to child care than they did two decades ago, according to Murthy. This trend results in less time spent nurturing their own well-being.

When self-care takes a backseat, overall family dynamics can suffer. “Parents’ mental health greatly impacts their children’s well-being,” he explains. If left unaddressed, parental burnout can harm parent-child relationships, cause emotional issues in children, and foster unhealthy coping methods within families.

👉 Coping Strategy: Prioritize your own care for the sake of your kids. “Your rest, social time, nutrition, and quiet moments are not luxuries; they are essential,” Murthy emphasizes.

Consider creating “unicorn space,” a concept introduced by Rodsky in her book Fair Play, which refers to guilt-free time for self-exploration and personal passion.

Rodsky suggests three foundational elements for discovering your unicorn space:

Curiosity: Identify one activity this month that aligns with your personal interests, separate from parenting or professional roles. If you desire more aesthetics in your life, perhaps try a dance class.

Connection: Share your journey with others. Whether it’s putting on a performance, hosting a podcast, or delivering baked goods to friends, sharing your passions can open new avenues.

Completion: Choose activities with clear endpoints, like completing a craft project or going to the gym regularly. These “completion” experiences lead to feelings of accomplishment and increased motivation.

Hammond acknowledges that prioritizing self-care is often easier said than done, but “you deserve to flourish, to maintain emotional well-being, to experience joy and relaxation—you have every right to these things.”

This digital story was edited by Meghan Keane, with visuals curated by Beck Harlan. We welcome your feedback—reach out with a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.

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