Dear Eric: The Christmas season is particularly challenging for me, and I generally refrain from celebrating due to a lack of close family, which only revives painful memories. After relocating a few years ago, I was fortunate to discover a wonderful group of friends who have quickly become like family to me. Determined to change my perspective on Christmas, I decided to host a festive dinner.

Since I enjoy cooking, I prepare nearly everything for my friend group. I have been hosting this event for three years, and it’s truly been a blessing. The same guests come each year, and this tradition has helped me rediscover the joy of Christmas.

During this past celebration, a few friends inquired if they could bring additional friends to the dinner, and I kindly responded, “I’m afraid that this dinner is more of a family gathering, so I would prefer to keep it intimate.”

Although I felt guilty for declining, this dinner truly feels like family time to me, and since I’m preparing the meal, I had already planned for those who confirmed their attendance. Did I address this situation appropriately? How can I ensure that my next gathering is clearly marked as invite-only? I believe that while an open Christmas party can welcome more guests, this dinner was a different occasion altogether.

– Navigating Christmas

Dear Christmas: It’s commendable that you’ve found a positive way to redefine a holiday that can be tough for many. The effort you’ve put into hosting and preparing the meal is truly admirable. Your chosen family is incredibly fortunate to have you in their lives.

You did well to maintain a limited guest list for your dinner. Last-minute requests can be difficult to accommodate, and bringing in extra guests might alter the nature of the event.

Since multiple friends made the request, it would be wise to discuss it one-on-one after the holiday season. You may want to express your mixed feelings about declining their offers and share your thoughts on why you cherish this intimate Christmas dinner.

Reassuring them about being family and the significance of this gathering won’t hurt. It may also open the door for them to mention any friends they consider family, who might be welcome next year.

For inquiries, reach R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. You can also follow him on Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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